Baking Friday - Pie # 6

Happy Friday!  Happy Father's Day pie!

Want to give your dad a bow tie for Father's Day?  Would your dad like a bow tie?  Would one of these be his style?

Maybe?  Maybe not?  How about a bow tie that is always in style...say a blueberry bow tie?

Or is your dad more of a raspberry bow tie kind of guy?

Or are you more interested in thinking about the 4th of July?  So would a flag pie appeal?

I really like how all of these turned out!   And I promise, THESE.  ARE.  EASY.

They are simply banana cream pies with some fresh berries for decoration.  But ya know what?  The berries were so MUCH more than only decoration and fun!  They added a wonderful freshness...."summeriness"...to these banana creams.  I never want to make a banana cream pie without berries again.  I will, of course, for I make banana cream pies in other seasons, but if berries are in season, and I'm making banana cream, I plan to use berries - even if I don't make bow ties or flags.  I might go wild and crazy and make a star the next time!  (I'm just wild like that!)

Oh - I have to add one more thing before we get to how I made these.  You may be worried about my taste testers - that I am ruining their health or making everyone fat by bringing in treats every Thursday.  I heard just yesterday that one lady has lost 6 pounds since I started bringing in these treats.  And I know of at least one other lady who has lost quite a bit of weight over this same time.  And YES!  These ARE ladies who indulge most every week!  So I hope that means whatever I bring in is worth it...worth their indulgence....that a little of something that tastes really good is way better than a lot of something that just tastes ok.  It's why I use real butter and real cream and real bacon and part of why I try to share what I bake with a lot of people.  But only part of why I try to share what I bake with a lot of people.  The main reason I try to share what I bake with a lot of people is because I love people, and I want them to feel loved.  I can't sew like J and A or repair cars like K or do hair like S or edit video like S or...well, you get the point.  But I can bake/cook.  And hopefully share some love with a pie.  Even a pie as simple and homey as banana cream.

Philosophical diversion now over.  Soapbox has been put away.  Back to making these!

Let's start with the pie crust.  I had two separate people tell me that they were sure the pie crusts were from scratch, because they tasted so good.  However that would not be the truth.  These were pre-packaged pie crusts...the Aldi brand in fact.  So there ya have it.  I cheated.

And even though the crusts tasted really good, they didn't bake up so pretty...

 Sigh....what can I say?

Two things:

 
1. Stuff happens.
2. White chocolate isn't just for candy any more.

Not a perfect solution, but not an altogether bad one either!

And that now takes us to our pastry cream.  This is Helen Fletcher's pastry cream recipe from over 25 years ago with only a couple of modifications.  Could I have used a boxed pudding mix?  Yes...but what's the fun in that?  Especially since making pastry cream isn't hard and chances are good (with the possible exception of the unflavored gelatin) you have everything on hand to make this.  Plus it doesn't take more than about 10 minutes to put together, and then it is chilling time.  Ready? 

It begins with 1 teaspoon of unflavored gelatin softened in 1 tablespoon of cold water.

I let that sit while I cooked the main body of the pastry cream.  

Begin with warming 1 - 1/3 cups of milk in the microwave for about 1 minute.

Then measure:

4 egg yolks (see below for what I did with the egg whites or an option for the pastry cream that uses 2 whole eggs)

1/3 cup sugar

I beat these together with an electric mixer until thick and pale.  This pic is the two just mixed together...

Getting thicker... and paler - but not yet pale enough.

Now!....thick and pale...almost white...so I added 3 tablespoons of flour...

...and mixed those in, then beat in the warmed milk on low speed.

Then I cooked this over medium high heat until thick and boiling.  I boiled it for a full minute before finishing it off with the gelatin, 1 tablespoon of butter and some vanilla.

But wait!  This wasn't just any vanilla!  I found some of this vanilla bean paste at our local spice shop, so I used it!

Look at this stuff!

Pretty cool, huh?  And watch what happened to the pastry cream when I mixed it in.  See the flecks of vanilla bean?

Yummy goodness potential right there folks!

I poured up the hot cream into a separate bowl and placed that bowl over ice to cool quickly.

Now remember that note above about the egg whites?  Since I had plans for the egg whites, I went ahead and made the pastry cream with just the egg yolks like Helen says.  But I have also successfully made this pastry cream using 2 whole eggs instead of the 4 yolks.  Is it an identical result?  No, but it's still yummy!

But for this time, I wanted to beat the egg whites, turn the cream into more of a mousse and stretch the single recipe of pastry cream to fill 2 pies.  So I beat the 4 egg whites on high speed with 1/4 teaspoon of cream of tarter, a splash of vanilla (regular) until soft peaks formed, and then beat in 8 tablespoons of sugar until stiff peaks formed.

I do love me a good stiff peak!  Just something so beautiful and whimsical about a peak of meringue!

Now to lighten the pastry cream a bit before folding the two together I mixed a small portion of meringue into the pastry cream.

Mixed together...

...and then added that to the beaten egg whites ready to fold together.

And folded gently until I had a homogeneous, light, airy, fluffy vanilla pastry cream mousse!

So now comes the fun part, told best with pictures!  

A layer of pastry cream on the bottom...

...followed by a layer of banana slices.  (I used a total of 2 bananas per pie.)

Repeat both layers and then finish off with a layer of pastry cream, sealing in all of the bananas.

I let that sit in the fridge overnight to set everything up and thoroughly chill.  G' night!

Good morning!  I whipped some sweetened cream and spread a thin layer over each pie and put the rest in a pastry bag with a star tip.  And brought out the beautiful raspberries and blueberries!  I made the flag first, in part, because I had a seen this idea done before here.  First the field of the flag...

..and then the stripes...

...finished off with whipped cream piped between the berries.  Sa-lute!!!

Then I turned my attention to the Father's Day version.  At first I was simply going to do concentric circles...

And then on a lark I thought, "what about a bow tie?"  And so I took a stab at it...

Eh, not bad...

Even better once finished off with piped whipped cream between the circles.  Fun!

And then on my way to work, I realized that I should have probably made the bow tie out of the rapsberries, so I made it the opposite way on this version for G (that has a vanilla wafer crust).  Happy Father's Day, G!!

Either way, you can see how easy these are to make.

Oh!  And you see that donation jar?  That was an idea from a couple of my taste testers, so if anyone wants to they can drop a donation into the jar that I will give to Delta Gamma Center for Children with Visual Impairments, the wonderful team of individuals who gave B therapy when she was so little - and gave me a whole lot of hope at a time when I really needed it.  All at no cost to our family.  Cool idea, huh?  And my wonderful taste testers have embraced it generously!  I will keep you posted on what is collected!

So that closes out our Father's Day baking.  I hope you have a wonderful Father's Day celebrating the dads in your life!  And that maybe something from our baking features has inspired you to love on your dad with something special!  Thanks for stopping by!

Happy! Happy! Birthday to B!

This little one....

 ...is 22 years old today!

This is our last entry in the birthday posts for while that have been frequent over the last few weeks, but this is B's turn to read The Top 5 Things I Love About B.

Or....since B doesn't do FB or really read these blog posts it is B's turn to NOT read The Top 5 Things I Love About B.  But that's ok.

The Top 5 Things I Love About B..

# 5 - B now wears jeans.  Even without being asked.

Now that may not seem like such a big deal if you don't happen to know B well, but for those of us who do, it is a big deal.  Trust us.

# 4 - B "loves" to have her picture taken.  Really.

Trust me on this, too.  See, here's further proof. 

Want one more?  I could go on like this for a while...

# 3 - B makes a great Christmas tree light hanging partner.

# 2 - B is J-man's buddy.  She loves J-man, and I love watching her love him.

And the # 1 Thing That I Love About B...

# 1 - I feel like that as long as I've know B, she has always had the ability to cut through the fluff and get to the bottom line.  B may not say much, but when she does, usually it is very perceptive and worth listening to.

Now before I begin to tell you the Top 5 Things I Would Give B if Time, Money and Resources Were No Object, I have to tell you what she actually requested for her birthday.  B is the one of my 4 children that will take the longest to answer the "What would you like for your birthday?" question.  She never has had an answer at the ready.  This year was no different.  I'm not saying that all of the rest of my children are greedy or selfish; I'm simply saying that normally their answers came much quicker.  Fair enough all?

After thinking for 4 days about this question, she finally answered me tonight with these 3 requests:

1. A trip to Fazoli's.
2. A trip to Books-A-Million.
3. Sugar cookies - which mean chocolate chip cookies sans chocolate chips.  

This girl lives big, I tell ya.  BIG.  Nay, LARGE.

So now for the Top 5 Things I Would Give B if Time, Money and Resources Were No Object:

# 5 - A love for foods with color.  It wouldn't have to be green foods, per se, but red would be nice at least for a start...something other than white foods.  And I would make all of the foods with color taste like white foods.

# 4 - Her very own Books-A-Million store that she could walk to through a shaded avenue.  However it could potentially be only a Books-A-Hundred-Thousand since it would only need to be stocked with Sci-Fi and Mysteries and Comic Books.  We could skip the Cookbooks, Literature, Chick-Lit, History, etc. for her store.  Oh, we could include a children's book section so J-man could enjoy trips to B-A-H-T with B.

# 3 - Unlimited time with K.  Cause K broadens B's world in many, many ways.

# 2 - A Day with the Superhero of her choice and/or the actor who plays her Superhero of choice.  Which is not the same as saying a "Day with her Favorite Superhero" for B is "anti-favorite."  She doesn't do favorites.  That is much too restrictive, ya see.  Maybe it is all part of her living LARGE worldview....

And the # 1 Thing I Would Give B if Time, Money and Resources Were No Object...

# 1 - Perfect eyesight.  Cause why not, right?  Just think what her target would look like then!

I love you, B!  Happy!  Happy!  Birthday!!!

45 years...The Changes They've Seen!

45 years ago today, I was a 7-yr. old flower girl for this couple.

This is my beautiful, talented sister, J, and her handsome, scholarly husband, G.  Which is not to infer that J is not scholarly or G is not talented.  Those particular adjectives are interchangeable.  Your discretion on the relative interchangeability of the beautiful and handsome adjectives.

45 years.  In that time, they have lived in Kentucky, Indiana, Illinois, New York, New Jersey, Louisiana, Utah, Florida, and England.  I don't begin to recall all of the places that J&G have visited, but I believe at least Australia and Scotland are in the mix along with some jaunts into neighboring countries while they were living in England, and a trip to New Zealand is on the horizon.  They have raised two daughters, lost one son, and joyously welcomed 2 grandchildren with a 3rd on the way.  And they have stayed together.  Nay, not just stayed together.  They have grown together.  As One.  Yet they have also done a wonderful job of retaining their own individual identities.  Plus they smile and laugh a lot together.  If you want some tips and tricks on building a good marriage, you would do well to take Marriage 101, 201, 301 and 401 from J&G.

But I got to thinking recently about all of the changes they have seen in 45 years - from 1969 to now.  And the more I thought about it, the longer the list got.  It would be a much shorter DD if I wrote about what has NOT changed in 45 years!  But that would also be a bit harder to write, if truth be told...

A mere 6 weeks after J&G got married, Neil Armstrong was the first person to walk on the moon.  Since that time, we have not only built a space shuttle that could make multiple trips into space, we have actually retired said space shuttle.

Our households have changed.  Microwaves are considered a staple appliance in the kitchen as well as a dishwasher and refrigerator with ice maker and water dispensing.  Our televisions have gone from black and white large box "furniture" to flat screen, HD, hang-on-the-wall and connect to the internet.  Who would've ever thought of having a house with a 3-car garage as "necessary" back in 1969?

Our shopping experiences have changed.  From the popularity of malls and food courts to the most basic of things to us now, the magnetic strip on the back of our debit and credit cards.  Anyone else remember the old charge card machines where the sales associate would lay your charge card on the metal plate on the left hand side, set the amount of the bill with the slide levers on the bottom, lay a carbon receipt over the card and numbers and then slide the roller across the whole thing to capture the credit card information and price?

Today thanks to the magnetic strip, we can purchase many things, primarily gas, without ever needing to interact with a sales associate at all.

Speaking of gas - just self-service gas.  Or how about this?  The gas station itself.  No longer it is a stand alone building that only offers gas, bathrooms and maybe a garage or a soda vending machine like we saw back in 1969.  Now gas is purchased at convenience stores with everything from milk to beer to liquor to hot dogs to taquitos to a full soda fountain with flavored syrups.

Once I mention the magnetic strip, that leads us into all sorts of technology places in the last 45 years - ready to drink from a fire hose?  World Wide Web, blogs, tweets, pins, hashtags, emoticons, personal computers, laptops, pads, smart phones, Nintendo, Walkman, VCR (Beta and VHS), 8-track, cassettes, DVD, Blue-Ray, CD’s, boomboxes (a word Microsoft dictionary doesn't recognize), Microsoft office suite, email, Y2K, IM, Buddy Lists, home video, phone video, You Tube, bar codes, RF scanners.  Are you drowning yet?  Each one of these is a paragraph unto itself of how our lives have changed over the last 45 years - the things we have seen come - and yes, even go, in some of these cases.

What about food - one of my favorite topics.  In 1969, eating out was a rare treat.  Not so today. It is still a treat, but it is not so rare.  Think about the grocery store - boxed "dinners" are a mainstay, salsa surpassed ketchup as the # 1 condiment in America (a good thing), pre-packaged convenience dinners have replaced "TV dinners", and the sheer size of our grocery stores has probably tripled in that time as well as offering at least that many times more of items for sale.  How often was fresh seafood sold in suburban grocery stores in 1969?  Think about all of the gourmet offerings in stores today from coffee and tea to crackers, cookies and popcorn salts.  Probably one of the most iconic changes in food would be sushi.  In 1969, sushi was a rare something brave and rich world travelers would try in Japan only.  Today sushi is mainstream.  And short of a seafood shortage, I doubt that will reverse.  (Also a good thing.)

Think about how much our language has changed in 45 years.  Acronyms are commonplace.  Phrases such as "there's an app for that" are now cliche.  Who ever talked about cholesterol and carbs in 1969?  What is hand sanitizer in 1969?  Our mothers and grandmothers would say "Waste not want not" but that has been replaced with the word "recycle."  "Being green" has gone from being only a lyric in a song sung by Kermit the Frog to something all the cool kids do.

Speaking of Kermit the Frog, Sesame Street is the same age as J&G's marriage.  Or almost anyway.  SS is about 5 months younger than their marriage, but it still counts in my mind.  And that just leads us into all of the things that J&G could have seen on TV in the last 45 years.  We have the families - The Brady Bunch, The Waltons, The Cosby Show and Full House to name but a few.  We have the dysfunctional night-time soap families such as the Ewings from Dallas (Who shot JR?) or the Carringtons from Dynasty (cat fights between Krystle and Alexis anyone?).  Going back to PBS, the home of Sesame Street, anyone remember Bob Ross?  Was there ever a more peaceful show?  Bob Ross had the most gentle voice with "happy little trees" that came to life with a few strokes of his paintbrush!  He really made you believe that you COULD paint!  We've seen Saturday Night Live, MTV go from music to whatever it is they do now, Cheers, the WWF (why??  Can someone please tell me why??), MacGyver (now code for genius re-purposing of most anything to solve a problem) and Seinfeld.  I can't leave TV though without mentioning one other change - the show has been around longer than 45 years, but it has had 4 hosts in that amount of time, Johnny Carson, Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien and Jimmy Fallon.  The main change in 45 years though has probably been the sheer onslaught of channels.  We used to have 6 channels - maybe 1 or 2 more fuzzy "UHF" channels if you were lucky and it was a clear day - brought to you courtesy of the antenna.  Today we can't count all of the channels available to us via the surfing medium of our choice, be that cable, U-verse or dish/satellite.

 

I haven't even gotten to music - disco, punk, alternative, indie rock, heavy metal, hip hop, rap.  And country has gone mainstream in the last 45 years.  Nor have I talked about fashion - bell bottoms, leisure suits, polyester, big hair, straight hari, perms are in, perms ar out, mullets, short shorts (even for men).  Was this just wrong?

Anyone remember Christmas catalogs from Sears, J C Penney and Montgomery Ward?  Those were common before 1969.  Not so much any more.  

I could go on for quite a while.  I want to say that J&G had a Dodge Duster at one point in their marriage; I don't know that for sure, but as I was thinking about this DD, I remembered one other feature that you never see in cars any more.  Remember the triangle shaped window at the very front of the driver and passenger side windows that some people called a "wing window" or the "vent window"?  You could turn that a number of ways to direct the wind flow where you wanted it.  Alas with the advent of AC in cars, this was no longer needed.

Yep, lots of changes.  45 years.  J&G are in Cincinnati this weekend celebrating with family.  Not sure when they might get a chance to read this, but I hope that when they do it sparks some fun conversations and will bring back some fun memories for them.  I love these two so much and am so happy for their marriage life.  

Hope anyone else who has stopped by has also enjoyed this very quick, not-the-least-bit comprehensive look at life over the last 45 years.  It has been fun for G&I to reminisce a bit.  If there are any young folks who have stopped by, well I hope you've also enjoyed a glimpse into the past - it feels like a recent past for some of us, but may feel like the distant past to you.  

One last quasi-philosophical thought - change is constant.  It is way more constant than non-change.  If you don't believe that, simply look around a bit.  I tend to be one of those "change agents" so I usually embrace change fairly easily.  Doing so makes this ride called "life" a whole lot more enjoyable!  J&G tend to do so as well.  Could be one of those tips and tricks they might teach in Marriage 101...

Love,

D

Baking Friday - Cake # 6

Cake # 6.  Out of 12 planned for this year.  That means we are almost half way through this Baking Friday adventure.  Wow!

I mentioned a few posts ago that I did a couple of bake sales recently.  These were bake sales to raise money for our community garden.  We still need water to the garden, and trust me when I say that the plumber's bill needs a whole LOTTA bake sales!  But that's a story for another day.

One of my faithful readers asked to see pictures from the bake sales.  I only captured pics from the sale last Friday night at a local fish fry.  It was a pretty profitable bake sale, plus the people were very kind and pretty much bought us out!  But for my friend, C, here are the pics!

We had 4 cakes, 1 brownie and 4 pies...

Pineapple upside down cake was one of the first to go.  (That honestly surprised me.)

Berry "shortcake" - not the classic sweet biscuit kind but the kind based on pound cake, garnished with a bit of sweetened whipped cream and a crystal diamond cookie.

Carrot cake - this is Helen Fletcher's recipe that I will feature in the coming weeks. One of my tasters said that it was the best carrot cake he'd ever eaten!  Way to go, Helen!

Dark chocolate cheesecake brownie.  If you are a fan of both, this might have sold you!

Dutch apple pie - simple tasty classic.

Lemon meringue - another classic, that was also quite popular.  I went with my old Better Homes and Gardens cookbook standby.  It's pretty much never failed me yet!  I may feature this one here, too...

I didn't catch a picture of the chocolate meringue, but our last pie was a banana cream - vanilla wafer crust, pastry cream, bananas and sweetened whipped cream garnish with a couple of banana slices when serving.

If you were counting, that was only 3 cakes, 1 brownie and 4 pies.  Our 4th cake is our feature for today - a version of what Pioneer Woman calls "Chocolate Devils."

These aren't fancy.  In fact, they are easy enough that kids can help make these for their daddy as a Father's Day treat.  But just because they are easy doesn't mean that they aren't tasty!

I made two versions - one with cherry pie filling above and one with simply a maraschino cherry garnish (on the left below).  Even toddlers could help with the chocolate drizzle or adding the cherries!  Pioneer Woman likes to cut the cake into rounds rather than squares, so if you went that route, your little ones could do that cutting with cookie cutters.

These are based on Texas Sheet Cake.  When I said that to folks at work, I was very surprised by how many folks had never heard of Texas Sheet Cake.  This is a classic from way back.  You can find a number of versions online, but the main cake recipe varies very little.  Here is my copy of the recipe that I've had in my recipe box since shortly after it appeared in the St. Louis Post Dispatch.

Can you tell it's been around a while and used often?  Here is the other half of this clipping - you can see the date in the upper left-hand corner...way back in 1979....this lady's boys would now be in their 40's...

If you've never heard of Texas Sheet Cake, this is just about one of the simplest chocolate cakes you could ever make!  It is pretty much foolproof, and if you bake with any frequency at all, chances are that you have everything on hand in your pantry and fridge.  If you don't have sour cream on hand, you can substitute some buttermilk or sour milk.  While this lady says to use margarine, I always use butter, but if you use margarine, I won't tell or judge you, I promise!

I confess, I try NOT to make this cake very often, because this is one that calls me name - especially in the sheet pan.  For you see, it is never cut perfectly straight.  And we can't have that now, can we?!  We MUST have a straight cut edge, so when we see that it isn't straight, we have to fix that...and then there is this tiny cut sliver...and what's a girl to do?  Simply throw that away?!  Of course not!

Most of the time it is baked in the sheet pan with the warm icing poured over the warm cake, but it can be baked in two 8" or 9" round cake pans, cooled and frosted with a vanilla or cream cheese frosting.  If we doubled the recipe, it would fit in two 10" round cake pans.  It can also be baked in a 9" x 13" cake pan, but it will take about 5 - 10 minutes longer for it to bake.

I don't have pics of baking the cake.  If you can't read the picture above, here are the ingredients and steps:

2 cups flour
2 cups sugar
2 eggs
1/2 t. salt
1/2 cup sour cream (or buttermilk or sour milk)
1 t. baking soda
1 t. vanilla (or generous splash)
1 cup butter
1 cup water
4 T. unsweetened cocoa (Pioneer Woman calls for "heaping tablespoons")

Combine flour, sugar, eggs, salt, sour cream, baking soda and vanilla in mixing bowl and mix well.  In a saucepan, combine butter, water and cocoa and heat to boiling.  Then add to flour mixture and combine well.  Pour into 10" x 15" jelly roll sheet cake pan that has been sprayed with Pam.  Bake @ 350 for 20 minutes.

If using the icing, while the cake bakes, make the icing.

1/2 cup butter
4 T. unsweetened cocoa
6 T. milk
1 lb. powdered sugar
1 t. vanilla (or generous splash)

Heat butter, cocoa and milk to boiling in a saucepan, stirring constantly.  Remove from heat once boiling, and stir in powdered sugar and vanilla until smooth.  Pour over warm cake and spread to edges.  Let cake cool as long as you can possibly wait before cutting in!  (This cake is just as good, if not better, the next day or two, depending upon your crowd.  Plus this stuff is wonderful with ice cream and hot fudge, too!)

But I wasn't using the icing for our version of Chocolate Devils or Red Devils.  I simply used a bit of leftover cream cheese frosting with the cherry pie filling and chocolate drizzle.  Just watch!  Kid stuff, I tell ya!

But any daddy who enjoys chocolate and treats made by the hand of their little ones will enjoy these!

Thanks again for stopping by!  I appreciate anyone's sticking with me as I explore this blog thing!

Shoes are Hard

Do you wear shoes?  Chances are good that your answer is "Yes."  If you have access to a smart phone or a computer to read this blog post, my guess is that you have at least one pair of shoes in your possession.  We are not talking about whether those shoes are in your closet or by your bed or by the ottoman.  That isn't the point of this post.

Nor is it why the title is so named.  Nope, shoes are hard.  They can be very confusing.  For some people at least.  Especially people at airports.  Or most specifically for people with TSA uniforms at airports.

I have two stories to share with you, neither of which happened to me, but I have heard these stories first hand, from the individuals who participated in the conversations "recorded" below.

Deb Disclaimer:  "Recorded" is between quotation marks, because our Winter Story took place in 2008, so what is shown below may or may not be direct quotes but it does represent the overall essence of the events which took place at Lambert St. Louis International Airport.  Our Spring Story took place in 2014, so what is shown below will be a direct quote as related to me by the participant.

Winter Shoe Story

The day was Saturday; Saturday morning December 20, 2008, to be exact.  Our friend, Miss Daisy, had been driven to the Lambert St. Louis International Airport by yours truly, heretofore known as Hoke, early that morning for Miss Daisy's 8am flight to Nashville.  Hoke had confirmed that Miss Daisy had collected all of his belongings (yes, "his") and driven off, leaving Miss Daisy to maneuver through the check-in and TSA security routines that we have all come to know and love.  Little did Hoke know that a now famous story was about to unfold.

Before we proceed with our story, we need to remind you that this is December 20 in St. Louis.  St. Louis is not Florida.  St. Louis is not California.  St. Louis is Missouri.  St. Louis is the Midwest.  St. Louis fully experiences all four seasons.  St. Louis is cold in December.  I believe that the temperature was about 28 degrees that morning plus there was snow still on the ground that had fallen a few days before.  Remember this when we get later in our story.  A friend once said "Context is King" for good reason.  Keep our context in mind.

Miss Daisy has been referred to as "a tall drink of water" with a deep Southern drawl reminiscent of his days in Alabama, but also enhanced by his more recent life in Rutherford County, Tennessee.  Miss Daisy is quite experienced with flying.  Miss Daisy had, in fact, made this trip MULTIPLE times throughout 2008, and this would be his last flight home, ready for the holidays, before returning for the New Year and our SAP "Go-Live."  Miss Daisy was indeed ready for a few days of rest and holiday festivities.  But today's trip would not be like all of the rest.

Miss Daisy's boarding pass and ID had been examined by the first TSA official.  He had snaked his way to the gray plastic totes and picked up one for his laptop and one for his shoes and one for his belt and keys and change and all other potentially life-threatening paraphernalia that we now respect as the means of keeping us "safe."  Like we all do these days, Miss Daisy had placed his totes on the conveyor belt and stepped through the machine set up to confirm that Miss Daisy was indeed as harmless as her, er, his, name would lead us to believe.

He was.  So now Miss Daisy is waiting for his totes to come through.  He sees his laptop.  He sees his belt, and his keys and his jacket and his loose change, and he is putting these things back where they belong on his person.  Miss Daisy reaches for his shoes.

But no shoes.

Miss Daisy waits.

Still no shoes.  Still no tote with his shoes.

And this is where our story starts to get interesting.

Miss Daisy:  Where are my shoes?

TSA:  Sir?

Miss Daisy:  My shoes.  What happened to my shoes?

TSA:  I am sure they will be coming through momentarily.

<Insert moments of waiting and watching here.>

TSA:  Here come your shoes.

Miss Daisy:  Those are not my shoes.

TSA:  How about these?

Miss Daisy:  No, not those.

This continues for a few more totes.  Still no shoes.  Well, still no shoes that belong to Miss Daisy.  Other totes come through with shoes in them, but not Miss Daisy's shoes.

Finally, TSA turns to Miss Daisy and asks:

TSA:  Sir, are you sure you had your shoes with you today?

Miss Daisy:  Excuse me, what?

TSA:  Sir, are you sure you had your shoes with you today?

Remember the context of our story I told you to remember until later?  Remember it now.  It is about 28 degrees outside with snow on the ground.  How do you think Miss Daisy wanted to respond to TSA at this moment?

Miss Daisy thoughts:  Am I SURE I had my shoes today???  Am I SURE I had my shoes today?  It is 20-freakin'-8 degrees outside, and there is snow on the ground and you are asking me if I'm SURE I had my shoes today?  Do you see these socks on my feet?  Do you really think I walked in here with only socks on my feet???  And you had to ask me this question twice, because that is your script????

Miss Daisy's comments:  Yes, sir, I'm sure I had my shoes.

(For you see, Miss Daisy has read all of the warning signs about joking comments with the TSA being taken seriously, and is not sure whether the above sarcasm would be appreciated by our TSA "helper" so Miss Daisy exercises wisdom and errs on the side of caution.)

Our story ends with Miss Daisy finding his shoes in another "private check" area about 4 lines over, and he makes his flight, but back to our blog title:  Shoes are hard.  Apparently.

Spring Shoe Story

Our only context for this story is that we are in the year 2014 at a TSA checkpoint.  I am not sure if this took place in Lambert St. Louis International Airport or Sea-Tac Airport in Seattle or O'Hare Airport in Chicago.  All we get is the conversation, but I am confident that it will be enough to support our title thesis.

TSA:  Ma'am, did you know your shoes have metal shanks in them?

PK:  I'm sorry, what?

TSA:  Your shoes.  They have metal shanks in them.  Can you explain?

PK: I'm sorry, but those are not my shoes.

TSA:  Ma'am, I am looking at your shoes, and there are metal shanks.

PK:  Well, I am looking at my shoes, so I am not sure how you can be looking at my shoes?

TSA:  Ma'am, this is serious.  Please explain the metal shanks in your shoes.

PK:  Sir, I am certain those are not my shoes (while flinging her leg up onto the conveyor belt) as I believe I am wearing my shoes.

TSA:  Well then whose shoes are they?

PK:  Perhaps one of the 5 women behind me trying to get through the line you are holding up?  Oh look, she has no shoes on.  Try her.

TSA:  Ma'am, this is not a laughing matter.

PK:  Sir, I'm still not laughing, just trying to get to my gate.

OBNOXIOUS LADY WITH NO SHOES:  Hey, what's the hold up?  I want my shoes back.

PK:  You have a lovely day, sir.

(I dare you to read our Spring Story out loud without laughing.  I double dog dare you.)

I repeat.  Shoes are hard.

Happy! Happy! Birthday to E!

I said a few weeks ago that there would be a string of these birthday posts for a while.  Well, we are getting down to the last couple for a few weeks, and today is E's birthday!  Happy!  Happy!  Birthday E!

Ahem, E is the taller one in the hard hat.

Today is E's turn to read about the Top 5 Things I Love About Him.  Ready?

# 5 - E loves sushi.  E loves spicy sushi.  He even has a roll named after him at their favorite sushi place in Ozark.  I don't know anyone else who has a sushi roll named after them.  And he is even teaching his son, K-man, to love sushi.  (I don't have a pic of E eating sushi, but I'm almost certain that everyone would agree a pic of K-man eating sushi is much cuter anyway!)  Besides, don't you love the look of intensity on K-man's face here?

# 4 - E hangs with some pretty famous dudes.

(Deb Disclaimer:  No, these are not the "real" dudes.  They just happen to be winners of a look-alike contest, but it's sort of like E hanging with 6 degrees of famous dudes,so it counts.)

# 3 - E cares about his community and volunteers a lot.  I am not entirely sure all of the volunteer activities he does to better their local community, but I know rubber duckies are involved.  What better evidence do we need?

# 2 - E loves to play with K-man.  And K-man loves for his daddy to play with him.  They are buds.

And the # 1 Thing That I Love About E..

# 1 - E loves K.  While I wasn't in their lives when this picture was taken, I can confidently say that E loves K just as much, if not more, than when it was snapped.

Now for the Top 5 Things I Would Give E For His Birthday if Time, Money and Resources Were No Object:

# 5 - A lifetime supply of E rolls.  Would that be a daily supply or a weekly supply?  Or every other day?  If it was me, I would love to try a daily supply and see if I could ever get tired of sushi, but I am not sure what that supply chain of E rolls would be for E, but we could negotiate those details.

# 4 - A lifetime supply of Grand Marnier Pecan pies.  E appreciates my love for this pie.  So I love making them for him.

Or better yet, a new invention that would combine E's love for sushi with this pie - Grand Marnier Pecan Rice Rolls!  

Ahem, or not...

# 3 - A large fleet of Big Green Tractors so his whole family could ride and maybe E and Grandpa G wouldn't have to help rescue K-man back up the hill each time.  (K-man LOVES his Big Green Tractor!

# 2 - Time with the "real" duck dudes.  Who knows?  It might even inspire E to join the beard set.  (This isn't the first time I have wished for photoshop on my computer so I could "enhance" a picture...)

And the # 1 Thing I Would Give E For His Birthday if Time, Money and Resources Were No Object:

# 1 - Rubber duckies.  More rubber duckies.  He even has large inflatable rubber duckies in his garage at times.  I don't know how many rubber duckies would be enough, but we would give him all he could ever want until he cried "Uncle!"  

And then we'd give him just one more!

Happy!  Happy!  We hope your birthday is wonderful!!  Love you and your beautiful family!

Happy! Happy! Birthday to D!

Today is D's birthday!

So it is D's turn to hear...er, read...the Top 5 Things I Love About D.

# 5 - His energy for most anything he is excited about.  Whether that is playing the drums or golf or baseball or fishing or a party, he focuses all of his energy on it.  His energy may make me crazy sometimes, because I may not feel that same excitement over the topic (read: especially golf!), but I love D's energetic devotion to what he loves.

# 4 - Listening to him and watching him play the drums.  D is a natural.  I wish I had some pics of him playing in my collection, but alas, I do not.

# 3 - He loves my oatmeal cookies.  I love to make things for people who love something I make.

# 2 - D is a helper.  If there is a task that needs to be done and he is around and capable, he loves to help.

And The # 1 Thing I Love About D...

# 1 - He loves family.  Our family.  Church family.  Children family.  School family.  Friend family.  He loves family.

So now it is time for the Top 5 Things I Would Give D for His Birthday if Time, Money and Resources Were No Object.

# 5 - A lifetime supply of oatmeal cookies.  WITH raisins.  D is a raisin in his oatmeal cookies kind of guy.

# 4 - A new GQ wardrobe.  D can be quite GQ when he wants to be and the occasion is right...

# 3 - A clone of Pioneer Woman for D to marry.  He told me one time that he wants to marry PW.  Except she is already married, so we need to clone her.

# 2 - The best drum set money can buy along with a band at the ready to play with.

And The # 1 Thing I Would Give D for His Birthday if Time, Money and Resources Were No Object..

# 1 - His very own personal golf course that he could play any time he wanted and invite whomever to play with him.  In order to minimize weather limitations to playing, this golf course would be located someplace like Southern California and include a landing strip for his private jet to get him there.

Happy!  Happy!  Hope your birthday is fun D!  I love you!

Love,
Mom