We are taking a break from our regularly scheduled programming of pie and Pie Night prep to bring you a message more fitting for a Sunday. And if memory serves me correctly, more fitting for this particular Sunday.
Although I will tell you this much on pie. Our friends, R & J, WILL be coming to the Morrison Family 4th Annual Pie Night coming up in 4 days (yeah!!!), and R asked for tiramisu. So while I was at the mall yesterday and G was on the phone with a friend who is going through a tough time, I used my handy, dandy smart phone to look up tiramisu pie...and found this! I think I have a new favorite food blogger to follow, a tiramisu pie recipe for R, AND possibly a new cookbook to add to my wish list. I mean who wouldn't want a cookbook about Perfect Pies from someone hailed as "America's Pie Baking Champion"? We will return to our regularly scheduled pie programming tomorrow.
But today is Sunday. Ah, Sunday...a day of rest....a day of reflection....a day of family...of refreshing.
Sabbath, if you will. My hope is that this story brings all of those things to mind for you.
I was contacted recently by a pastor. It was a most interesting email, asking me about some past hurt and confusion. And by past, I mean over 10 years ago. He was asking on behalf of others and his main purpose in writing was to a) seek my forgiveness on behalf of those; and b) seek reconciliation where needed. A small handful of those who read this blog post will be familiar with the people and the events I describe herein. I have done my best to keep this honest while still being hopeful and if at all possible, in good humor. I also want to keep names and personalities out of this for I promise you, the end of this story is a happy one. In fact, I will get to the punch line now - forgiveness and reconciliation? Done. Done. Done a long time ago. So if you don't read another word of this post, please read that one word. Done.
I would like to begin this story by going back almost 40 years to when I first became acquainted with this pastor. I was a bit older than a "twinkle in my daddy's eye" even 40 years ago. And yes, when I use the word "youth" with "pastor" in some circles, you will be able to do the math and figure out just how ancient I really am that he was my youth pastor about 40 years ago.
Are you as depressed as I am right now? Good. Glad to know I'm not alone. Thank you.
This man of God has had a great, positive influence on my life. Some of my first learning on prayer and sharing with others was learned by this man's example. One of the most encouraging notes I ever received in a high school yearbook was penned by this man. I guess you could say "we go way back" as leader/follower, teacher/learner, and now friends. This is the man who married G and I, in fact. Oh, and just for the record. While I may be ancient, he is, in fact, timeless, so he has not aged a bit in the 40 years hence.
Life has a way of coming full circle at times, and such is the case in this man's pastorate. While he served in other places through the ensuing years, he returned to this church a few years ago, and has been leading by service and example in this same congregation in recent years.
Ya know, I have to stop a moment and say that the phrase "same congregation" isn't really true. For no matter how long a church may be in existence or occupy the same church structure, they never stay the same. Sure, some things stay the same, but since people come and go and grow and change, it is virtually impossible for the congregation to remain the same.
And such is the case in this church. Much has changed in the last 40 +/- years since our story began. The community has changed. Times have changed. While the gospel message of redemption and hope in Jesus Christ is unchanging and applies in all times and all places, both times and places will change. No people or church or organization is exempt from that truth. Which is often one of the biggest challenges for church leaders - how to bridge that gap and meet people's needs as those are also in a constant state of change. This church is no exception to these challenges, and a number of fine, good people work hard to figure out what ministry looks like for this particular church family.
Family. This was my church family for many years, and while I no longer worship there regularly, I still consider many of these people family. They always will be family to me.
Despite the events that prompted this pastor's email. I gotta tell you, his email brought back things I had not thought about for years. Stuff happened. (I know, that tells you a lot, right? But trust me, it tells you enough.) Stuff that confused me. Stuff that disheartened me. Stuff that lead me into some of the deepest heart searches of my life. And stuff that coincided with other personal stuff that was also confusing, disheartening and hurtful at the deepest levels.
I guess you could say that stuff happens in families. It just does.
So I made one of the hardest decisions of my life, and began looking for another church in which to raise my family. But I couldn't simply make that choice without also reconciling with the past. And choosing to forgive. And to let it go.
So ultimately, this was all stuff that made me and my family members grow. And if we let it, such is the case with all hard stuff.
But forgiveness is a key element in our letting that happen. And this pastor knows that, so he went the extra mile to reach out to names he had been given to seek their forgiveness for past hurts while they had been a part of this church family.
And where possible, reconciliation. For forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. We need to forgive others, in part for our own spiritual health and well being, but we don't always need to be reconciled with individuals. I will name abusive relationships as my Exhibit A for that statement and leave it at that.
Mine was one of those names, so he contacted me. And because of that email, I, like others, met with this man to assure him that forgiveness was done. Done. A long time ago, done. And to assure him that I felt reconciled.
It was a good conversation. Nah, it was a great conversation. One of those that was healing, and hopeful, and honest, and humorous, and do you feel like you've had a sermon now, because of all of that "H" alliteration going on in this sentence? Sorry about that. But it was. All of those things.
And it brought closure. Healthy closure. Not closure that never looks back or never keeps a door open, but the closure that brings smiles, that makes meeting old friends and acquaintances pleasing and something we welcome instead of dread. Closure that as I type this paragraph brings a few tears that I don't fully understand. But they are good tears, so we can just chalk it up to me being a sap, if you want.
I will close, but I want to say one more thing. If you happen to be in a spot where stuff is happening and you're confused, hurt, disheartened, be it big stuff or small stuff, I guess I would encourage you to pursue a few things:
- Pray. And keep praying. In some cases, you may find yourself doing this for years even on the same topic. But that doesn't mean that prayer isn't working. Trust me. It is. It just may be working on me, instead of the situation.
- Stay open. As much as you may want to shut down and let this stuff shipwreck you, try to stay open. Even if it's only for one day at a time.
- Choose to forgive. Chance are you've done stuff that others forgave you for. Try to pass that gift along to the ones involved in this stuff.
- Once forgiveness is established, choose reconciliation where appropriate.
- And try to remember previous times when you've gone through stuff and see how much of it you still remember or how much you've grown through it. Chances are that exercise will bring you hope and perspective about the current stuff.
Sabbath stuff. Sunday stuff.
And tomorrow we will return you to your regularly scheduled programming.
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