Lord, this is my prayer this morning. You don’t need these words. You know what is on my heart and are already working to conform my heart to Your ways and will. But I need these words. I need them to understand my heart. I need them to understand what I’m feeling and how I am blocking You from effectively conforming my heart to Your ways and Your will. You already know all of this. I am the one who is blind.
I am aware of cynicism and doubt. I am aware of a hardening, but I am want to dismiss those things or down play them as insignificant. But I am Your child, a child of The King. Therein lays my hope, the antithesis of cynicism and doubt. So my heart should be full of light and joy. Cynicism and doubt are dark. They are heavy, weighing me down. Truth is light and peace and trust and joy. The Truth says that “these light and momentary sufferings are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.” The Truth says “our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!”
It is my job to trust in that work of Your Holy Spirit through it all. I am reeling with mixed emotions from the tornado damage. I am concerned about how all of the insurance and mortgage paperwork will pay for everything, but the Truth says that You “own the cattle on a thousand hills” so You have sufficient means to take care of any gaps. The Truth says that I can “cast all my cares upon You, because You care for me.” The Truth says that “my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” You will meet all of my needs – be they physical, monetary, spiritual, mental, emotional or any other need that I am not able to articulate. The Truth says “do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear….Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns…yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?...But seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.”
It is my job to be thankful in all times and all circumstances. It is my job to ask You to make me content no matter the circumstances, whether in need or in plenty. I can do all of this through Him who gives me strength – and ONLY can I do this through Him who gives me strength. I cannot do this myself. I can only be content in all circumstances BY and THROUGH You.
It is my job to trust that no matter what happens to rebuild or tear down the neighborhood in which I live, You are still with me, sustaining me and caring for me. It is my job to trust that You “know the plans [You] have for me…plans to prosper [me] and not to harm [me], plans to give [me] hope and a future.” It is my job to remind myself daily and trust that You work all things “for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”
Again You already know these things on my heart and You don’t need the words to be spoken in order to work. I am the one who need these words. I need the reminders. I need to articulate what You are doing, Your purposes in all things. I need to repent of the cynicism and doubt and hardening in my own heart. I need to confess these things, and so I need words to help my understanding. Thank You for knowing my heart and acting ahead of my mind and my words. Thank You for Your love and patience with me, Your child, as I process and feel all manner of things and yet hope in You. Thank You for Your grace that covers my sin. Thank You for the personality that You uniquely gave B, that she just rolls with the flow and has very few needs. Thank You for our health. Not only did You keep us safe from the storm, but neither of us have ongoing health needs requiring meds or electricity to survive. Thank You for reminding me of the things that I need to be thankful for; I so easily forget and allow doubt to take over.
Love,
D
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